Kim Sae Ron’s Handwritten Letter To Moonbin Revealed

“See you soon. Wait for me.”

Garo Sero Research Institute released a diary entry by Kim Sae Ron in 2023. Although it was a diary entry, she had actually written a letter to the late ASTRO‘s Moonbin. The two were known to be close friends, starting off as child actors together, later working in the same company.

“2023.04.27

I’m starting a new diary. Bin, I miss you. I tried to choose death because things were so difficult, but then I heard news about you. I know better than anyone, just how scary and lonely that decision must’ve been, so I can’t bear to ask you why. But did you know, I strangely missed you all of a sudden that day. I was going to call you, but I couldn’t in the end. I regret that so much. I probably couldn’t have stopped you, but you might’ve postponed it for a day. For me, when today passes, tomorrow comes. I live day to day, barely getting by. Were you like that too? Every day, every moment, I’m so tempted to follow after you. Don’t be lonely — I think I had been going through too much myself to have stuck by your side and comforted you. If you get lonely, come see me in my dreams. Then, I’ll be by your side and listen to what you have to say, just like you did for me.”

She shared that the members of ASTRO had all broken down when Moonbin passed on. She expressed sorrow at not being the one to succumb instead.

“It’s been so long [since we’ve known each other] that you and Chanhee have been like family to me, always being by my side, such that I might have taken that for granted. Then, ASTRO debuted and you guys received so much love, so that I felt relieved too. I’ve decided to postpone my death, just a little, because I have to protect Sua and the other members. Sanha said he would protect me. I used to be the most worried about the maknae, but he’s now become a reliable adult. And seeing Jinwoo (Jinjin) and Myungjun oppa (MJ) try to smile, seeing Dongmin (Cha Eunwoo) break down, seeing Minhyuk (Rocky) so solemn, it makes me break down too.

Why must it have been you? It’s enough for me to have been in pain from depression. It should’ve taken me instead. I want to mourn you, be sad about you, and talk about you to my heart’s content, but I was afraid my existence would cause harm to your death. I’m scared, even now. My oppa, my friend, our Bin, we worked so hard when we were younger. And I thought that it was great how we all achieved our dreams.”

Lastly, Kim Sae Ron vented her own pain before bidding Moonbin a goodbye.

“I am so disappointed and disgusted by how I’m not improving, by how the media is targeting me with unverified attacks, how I am still unsatisfied. This is the job I have chosen, so I must be responsible for it. I also have my family, who are depending on only me, and my fans. But this must’ve been the same for you too. I’m not the only one who’s pain started the moment I achieved my dreams. I’m not the only one who couldn’t say a word and rotted by myself. You probably tried to bear it pain day by day too. We should’ve come clean to each other, and cry until our throats give in, scream that we are having it hard. Although to be honest, I still can’t do it, I should’ve gathered you and the kids to do that. We didn’t want to worry each other, so we pretended to be strong and fine to each other, right?

Rest in peace, Bin. If it’s the path that you’ve taken, where ever it is, I’m sure it’s shining and bright. I respect all your choices and I am cheering you on. I’m sorry for not being able to compliment you endlessly and for not being able to hug you. I love you. See you soon. Wait for me.

Your friend and dongsaeng for 18 years, Kim Sae Ron.”

The two were known to be extremely close. She mourned the star when he passed away on April 19, 2023.